HUMOR: Fund-Raising from the Pulpit

Not mine.  From here.

One Sunday the Reverend Jones announced to his congregation, 'My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons...... 
A $100 sermon that lasts five minutes
A $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes
And a $20 sermon that lasts a full hour.

Now, we'll take the collection and see which one I'll deliver.'